Hi! My name is Katie and I am from Virginia. I was an almost success story until the day I found out I was "with child." Since then, I have become a single parent to an amazing and beautiful daughter- so this is my life, 2.0. Thanks for reading, I hope you start and end your day with a smile!
I don't usually watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, but last there wasn't much on and it somehow ended up on my television. This episode was about a family who had lost their daughter, Alex Brown, in a single person car accident because she was texting while driving. It was one of the most heart wrenching things I've ever seen- to see this beautiful, vibrant, senior in high school, friend, sister and daughter lose her life because of something so preventable. And it's something I've done before.
I've never made a habit of texting while driving and I usually tried to wait until I was at a stoplight or stop sign, but I have done it. Emma Roberts, the actress, was on the show last night and she said something so profound - I don't remember the exact quote, but the gist of it was that there was nothing that she had ever texted while driving that was so important that she would ever be willing to risk her life or the life of someone else to do it. And that is so true!
On the show they were handing out pledges for people to sign to promise to not text when they are driving and I mentally signed my own and I would challenge you all to do the same! To read more information about it you can go here or here.
I keep meaning to write down all of Spencer's current adorable sayings and such, but with all of the hullabaloo, I've just been putting it off. So here they are:
* I do it every the time. This is what she tells me when she wants to do something that I've just said no to.
* The louder. AKA, her microphone.
* You're the best in the world!
* Excuse me, Mr. Man! or Excuse me, Mr. Ma'am! She says this when she's trying to get someone's attention at a store or other public location- generally to a stranger. (We're still working on the whole stranger concept.)
* Jesus loves me because He loves me because He loves me!
Last night Spencer decided that she wanted to taste what was in the plastic lemon shaped container in the refridgerator- aka lemon juice concentrate. I told her no over and over again, that she wouldn't like it, but she wouldn't let the lemon juice issue go. Thinking that once she tasted the extremely sour concentrate she would hate it and spit it out, I thought this might be a good learning opportunity. So I said she could have a tablespoon of it but she couldn't spit it out.
I thought this was going to be the perfect lesson, but of course, I was wrong. Turns out, my child has an affinity for lemon juice concentrate and she kept asking me for more! I put some on the spoon and Spencer ate it like she would chocolate pudding - in one big gulp. She smacked her lips a few times and squinted her eyes in quiet contemplation before asking me for "more, please." I thought that maybe, somehow, there was some switcheroo at the lemon juice factory and lemonade was actually resisding in my bottle- so I tasted it. Yep, it was super sour lemon juice concentrate and Spencer liked it.
January and I are still on bad terms. This week, a friend's mom passed away very suddenly and so did the dad of one of my brother's friends. It's also the anniversary of this wonderful man's death. Dying, Death, The End. I don't like any of it, in fact, I hate it.
It's not as if my world has stopped spinning because of the loss of these people- and that's the part I can't wrap my head around. For some people, the world as they know it is over and it will never be the same again- but for me, nothing has really changed. Yes, I'm sad, but my life is going on as it normally would. I hate that we can't avoid death- I mean I really hate. We hear of someone dying and it causes us momentary pause before feeling the sense of relief that it isn't happening to us. But the thing is, it will happen to us one day.
Maybe it's because I lost so many people close to me in such a short period of time, that I'm keenly aware of the life altering that happens when someone you love dies. It doesn't seem fair that your life is forever changed while the person in the car next to you is oblivious to the fact that world has stopped for someone else. Death turns life into a before and after.
My dog died on New Year's Day- the first freaking day of 2011. He was 10 years old.
I guess technically he was my brother's dog, but for all intents and purposes, he was mine. Shadow was a Scottie dog- they can be a little bit aloof and they like their alone time. But he loved me and earning his love meant something because he didn't feel that way about most anyone else. When I was pregnant with Spencer, it was as if he could sense I needed him and he slept beside me every night. He didn't really like to sleep with anyone because he was afraid of heights, couldn't jump very high, and liked having his own space to stretch without touching anyone. But during those months he'd jump up beside me and settle in the crook of my bent legs, never leaving my side.
When we first brought him home, I was ridiculously allergic to him- so much so that I went on allergy shots- 12 injections a week for 52 weeks. I loved that dog so much, I went on allergy shots for him!
He'd been really sick recently, but it looked like he was getting better. Since my brother was at school and my parents both work during the day, I did the majority of taking care of him. And he was getting better.
But then something just stopped working inside him.
And I wasn't there.
And he died.
When I needed him, he never left me, but when he needed me, I wasn't there. He died and I wasn't there and I should have been.
My eyes are swollen into little tiny slits because I can't stop crying.
I don't like 2011; it stinks. I guess the only good thing is that it has to get better, right?
I am going to miss you Shadow, my little Stinky Stinkerson, Little Man Boy.