Monday, January 3, 2011

I Hate You, 2011

My dog died on New Year's Day- the first freaking day of 2011.  He was 10 years old.

I guess technically he was my brother's dog, but for all intents and purposes, he was mine.  Shadow was a Scottie dog- they can be a little bit aloof and they like their alone time.  But he loved me and earning his love meant something because he didn't feel that way about most anyone else.  When I was pregnant with Spencer, it was as if he could sense I needed him and he slept beside me every night.  He didn't really like to sleep with anyone because he was afraid of heights, couldn't jump very high, and liked having his own space to stretch without touching anyone.  But during those months he'd jump up beside me and settle in the crook of my bent legs, never leaving my side.

When we first brought him home, I was ridiculously allergic to him- so much so that I went on allergy shots- 12 injections a week for 52 weeks.  I loved that dog so much, I went on allergy shots for him!

He'd been really sick recently, but it looked like he was getting better.  Since my brother was at school and my parents both work during the day, I did the majority of taking care of him.  And he was getting better.

But then something just stopped working inside him.
 
And I wasn't there.

And he died.

When I needed him, he never left me, but when he needed me, I wasn't there.  He died and I wasn't there and I should have been. 

My eyes are swollen into little tiny slits because I can't stop crying.  

I don't like 2011; it stinks.  I guess the only good thing is that it has to get better, right? 

I am going to miss you Shadow, my little Stinky Stinkerson, Little Man Boy.


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11 comments:

kbreints said...

Oh :( I am so sorry!

Melissa's Thoughts said...

I hate that for you and pray that you will find peace. If it helps at all, dogs like to be alone when they pass. No, they didn't tell me, but my vet told me that when dogs fill it is at the end, they try to get away from people and die on their own. I pray that your heart is comforted though. :(

Sarah @ The Strength of Faith said...

I'm sorry! :( Praying for you - although that sounds so menial right now.

Meg said...

I am so sad for you. I'm sorry for your loss of your little man. He was beautiful. My thoughts are with you. I hope you 2011 gets better.

Karrie said...

Oh my heart aches! :(
I can sense your love for this dog through every word in your post! My dog is 10 too, and I know exactly how you feel about loving the four legged pal!
Sorry to hear of your loss :(

Hayley said...

I'm so sorry! What a crappy way to start the year.

He knows you loved him. Feel better, hon.

Patti said...

I'm SO sorry. I totally can relate to losing a dog and it's just awful. :(

John & Michelle said...

I'm soooo sorry. Loosing a pet is so hard. Our tiny Yorkie mix sleeps with us too.

ZDub said...

I'm sorry, losing a pet is just terrible.

I do agree with Melissa and that pets do prefer to be alone, take comfort in knowing you took very excellent care of him and he knew that you loved him. He looks like a very sweet and smart doggie.

Sommer said...

I'm so sorry Katie. Dogs are amazing and losing one is horrible. It sounds like you had some wonderful years with him though.

On a happier note, I have enjoyed reading your blog. Spencer is absolutely gorgeous! I hope your year gets better.

samt said...

I'm very sorry about the death of your dog. Try not to assign blame to yourself.

Losing a dog can be every bit as painful as losing a human companion. Your grief is natural and is a reflection of how much you loved your dog. I offer this article on ways to cope with the loss of a pet for your consideration: http://www.petrib.com/articles-advice/coping-loss-pet

Once again, condolences of the loss of your dog.

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