Monday, September 21, 2009

Richard Nixon's Nickname

Before telling this humdinger of a tale, I'd just like to warn you that it's, um, slightly blue in nature. Okay? Okay.

Spencer and I were outside this afternoon playing in the backyard. She was picking buttercups and I was watching her squeal in delight. My elderly next door neighbor was also outside enjoying the beautiful day underneath of her patio umbrella. She was talking on the phone and I couldn't help but hear her booming voice- my buttercups and her patio are right beside each other.
I'm helping Spencer make a bouquet of the flowers when I hear this from my 75 year old neighbor- "I only put store bought meat in my mouth, I don't put [insert Richard Nixon's nickname, otherwise known as a slang term for the male genitalia] in there."

A little old lady, just like this!

I don't think anyone would consider me a prude, I'm definitely not, but I think my eyes would have bulged out of my head if it were possible. I tried to reconcile what I just heard with the knowledge of who said it, my mind reeling- it's still reeling as I write this. I was so embarrassed that I had heard her, I know I turned eight shades of red, but at the same time, she had to know that we were there and could hear her!
My first instinct was to try and skulk away, whispering to Spencer that if she stopped picking flowers I'd give her some ice cream as soon as we got inside. I just wanted to escape as quickly as possible. Miraculously, she obliged and ran to the porch to await her Haagen Das vanilla treat. Spencer rarely does what I ask her to do the first time- she usually gauges how serious I am and then reacts accordingly- but today she listened. (Insert the Hallelujah Chorus)

The whole scene keeps popping back into mind, along with an involuntary shudder. I know that I didn't do anything wrong, but I feel like did. Although I am VERY grateful that Spencer wasn't paying attention to her, because she's turned into an excellent mimic, and that's the LAST thing I need her repeating over and over again! Can you imagine??!!
We don't have all that much interaction with this neighbor, but we see her every single day and usually say something "neighborly" to each other. Am I making too big a deal of this, because I've been known to do that before? I'm sure that I might have found it amusing had Spencer not been there, but she was there. And it was just yesterday that she ran around saying "damm it" after I said it when I stepped on one of her magnetic letters that she'd thrown on the floor. I'm pretty certain if she went around saying Richard Nixon's nickname, someone would call CPS.
Before the above events occurred, I did manage to take these super cute pictures of Spencer. I have the overwhelming need to end this post with them.

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Mrs. Walk said...

First of all, that is both hilarious and horrifying. Second, someone recently told me that there's a trick they swear by (no pun intended) for when you accidentally say a word you shouldn't in front of an oh-so-absorbent child: immediately say the words "peanut butter." Apparently, this is a more fun thing to say, so usually the kid will forget the other word they just heard and repeat "peanut butter" instead. I haven't tested this myself, but I thought I'd pass along the tip!

Melissa said...

WOW!!! To think that an older lady would talk so degrading about herself. I look at my grandparents and they wouldn't even understand, coming from their generation and their upbringing. Thats terrible. Maybe you should avoid her all together so Spencer doesn't learn a whole new vocabulary... I'm totally kidding, try the peanut butter test if something comes up!! hee hee hee

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Hayley said...

Aside from having Spencer in the vicinity- that's pretty funny. The sad part is, when I'm 80 and senile, that's probably exactly what I'll be like!

kbreints said...

So funny!! and those pictures are just adorable :)

KK said...

I always say when I am old, I will say whatever I want! You might want to keep small children from me at that time.

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