I don't know if anyone watched Patrick Swayze's interview with Barbara Walters, but I did, and it's gotten to me. I think I cried through about 70% of it, especially when they got to talking about his relationship with his wife.
They've been married for 33 years and you can still see the love they have for each other. I think it's amazing for any couple to stay married that long, but I think it's so much more beautiful when that couple's love is apparent to everyone who sees them. I've only ever seen it a handful of times, but they've stayed with me, they've become what I aspire to have one day.
I think a lot of people in my situation, the ones who marry the father and the ones who don't, get married to the wrong person just because it will make things easier. It's hard to be a single mother, it's hard to see families together and it's hard to not be jealous of them. But I have to be an example to Spencer and any relationship I have will effect her; I'm not getting married to anyone unless I see us as an "always." I'm not going to settle for anything less than a love like that because that's not the example, the lesson, I want for Spencer to follow.
When I watched Patrick and his wife together, as they face the knowledge that their time with each other will be cut short, it amazed me how grateful they were. Yes, they were sad and angry and all those feelings that go along with a terminal prognosis, but their commitment and love were already rock solid before that. They didn't look back and see years of their relationship they wished they could change, and they were thankful for that.
It was so moving and I was a crying a mess. On the other hand, it made me think about all of this and really gave me the perspective I've been needing recently. Sometimes I get all "woe is me" but I have so much for which I'm grateful. I never want to look back on these years and have regrets about not appreciating them, or wishing they were easier, or wishing I could go back and redo it all differently. If you haven't watched it, I'm putting a clip at the bottom, but it should be up on abc.com pretty soon.
Oh, and have a few tissues on hand, I double dare you not to cry!
4 hours ago